As I was reading a post by a contemporary theologian*, I came across a sentence that expressed something I believe with every fiber of my being: “One can fully appreciate beauty in its every form without feeling the need to possess it for oneself alone.” Modern man has a difficult time understanding how this is possible. He, being a largely amoral and impatient consumer, thinks not only that if something is desirable he must possess it, but that he must possess it now. He cannot understand that some things are better left unpossessed, and even untouched. He cannot distinguish between that which is acceptable to take or buy, and that which ought only to be, from a distance, an object of contemplation and wonder. He sees a plot of land and wonders if it could be “developed,” rather than rejoice that his suburb still has some woods left. He discovers a new species and, rather than be in awe at God’s creative purposes, immediately begins to dissect the creature (I’m sorry, I meant “conduct research”) to see if it has any medicinal properties. But, of course, it is not only modern man that suffers from this diseased outlook. All of us, if we are honest, must confess that however far we have come, we still occasionally or perhaps often see something which ought only to be admired, and instead seek to make it our own, to possess it. Consider how all throughout history men have seen beautiful women and instantly began to plot how to make them theirs. (There is a godly pursuit in this realm, but I am speaking of the much more common ungodly pursuit.)
I am not entirely sure what is the cause of this problem. It might be pride. One might think that because he is so great, it is his right to have this or that. Here one can think of David, who, seeing Bathsheba bathing, could have thought, “Wow, what a beautiful woman,” and left it at that, but instead succumbed to his desire for possession of the beautiful. And we all know how tragically that story ended. But there seems to me to be more going on in this phenomenon that we do not see in David’s story, which is in large degree merely about lust. I might call this phenomenon to which I refer deceptive love. What I mean by this is the presence of genuine love in a person who is also blind to the reality of sin in his very love. In other words, his love is mixed with sin. Take, for example, the case of Hamor the Hivite in Genesis 34. Look at what it says about his love for Dinah: “His soul was drawn to Dinah the daughter of Jacob. He loved the young woman and spoke tenderly to her” (34:3). By itself, this is a truly lovely picture. There is no indication in this verse that Hamor was some nymphomaniac or typical brute who merely uses women. No, it says he “loved” Dinah (the word here in the Greek translation of the Old Testament is agape, and not eros), and that he “spoke tenderly to her.” But there is a context. And the previous verse actually reveals that the first time Hamor saw Dinah, “he seized her and lay with her and humiliated her.” Hamor raped Dinah. How then did he love her and speak tenderly to her? He had deceptive love. I do not doubt that he truly loved her, but his love for her, in his mind, gave him license to possess that which was not his right to possess.
The quote I read continues in this way: “In fact, the two impulses [appreciating beauty and seeking to possess it for oneself] are contrary to one another, as the love of beauty at its purest always involves a desire to share the experience of the beautiful with others.” For someone with an appropriately developed spirit, beauty is not something to be possessed but to be admired and shared. Here Hamor failed miserably.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Paul might have added at the end, “… and tell others about them too.”) He does not say, “grab on to these things,” but “think about these things.” Contemplate the true, the honorable, the just, the pure, the lovely, the commendable, the excellent, the praiseworthy. This verse is deliberately broad and unspecific. It is telling the Christian to have his mind be shaped by all the things in creation that are commendable, pure, and just. We are to think about such things. But we are not then to become consumers and long to possess them. We are to delight in them and share them with others, and go no further. To use the language of the story of Hamor and Dinah, we are to “love to the young woman and speak tenderly to her,” but under no circumstances behave immorally toward her.
Let me share what I consider to be a commendable example of appreciative love rather than deceptive love. I know a man in Christ who has a profound, almost divine, admiration for a particular woman. He finds her to be lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. He thinks about her and wonders at how such a wonderful person could exist. When he is tempted to despair at the state of the world, the mere thought of her assures him that godliness still exists, and shines. When he talks with her, he is instantly reminded that there are righteous people in the world, and is filled with joy. (Perhaps he thinks that God would consume this our Babel were it not for the presence of this one beautiful soul, for whose sake He has compassion on an entire nation.) He considers her to be beautiful, as is said, inside and out. And yet he tells me, and of course I believe him, that he feels no base attraction for her, no desire to possess her. He is content with her being at a distance. In his wonderfully child-like soul, his enjoyment of her presence is entirely pure. Does this sound a little strange to you? Are you suspicious of him? Do you doubt it can be true? I sincerely hope your answers to those questions were no. We are so accustomed, in movies, books, songs, and, sadly, even in real life, to see attraction to beauty as a shallow and physical movement that longs to possess, to conquer. We have learned of too many Hamors, and of men even worse than Hamor, who are so overrun by covetousness that they cannot even speak tenderly. But appreciative love is possible. “One can fully appreciate beauty in its every form without feeling the need to possess it for oneself alone.”
This is the aim toward which we ought to strive. There is a certain detachment in Philippians 4:8. Surely, this is a magnificent call to dwell on the true, the honorable, the just, the pure, the lovely, the commendable, the excellent, the praiseworthy. But the only command here is to “think about these things.” We must be those who see the beautiful, dwell on it and love it, and glorify God for it, but who by no means violate the sacred dimensions to which the beautiful belongs. If we dare possess something or someone beautiful which it is unlawful for us to possess, we will prove ourselves to be deceptive lovers, like Hamor. We ought instead to follow the example of Jesus, who in perfect sinlessness, “loved Martha and her sister” (John 11:5). Our culture today can scarcely imagine such a love. We are much the poorer for it. And I need make no mention of David’s love for Jonathan: “Your love to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women” (2 Samuel 1:26). Our society cannot comprehend a verse like this without making speculations of homosexuality. How loveless is our world. We must recover this detached love for beauty, this pure appreciation for the lovely. I wonder if in this light we can understand a deeper meaning behind Jesus’s words, “Unless you become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). If I am called immature I will be offended. But if I am called childlike in my simplicity, I will be honored.
* The quote is from David Bentley Hart.